Spirit Lead Me

One of the very first memories I have of attending a community event in Greensburg KS was hearing the school choir/ talent night at the High School, a young girl got up and sung,  Oceans by Hillsong. It was a new song to me but the words stuck in my head for days. 

That night, something was changed, in me and looking back, it was the beginning of something that would dramatically change my life through out the next 6 and a half years later.  The chorus to the song continued to run through my mind “Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders, Let me walk upon the waters, Wherever You would call me, Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander And my faith be made stronger, In the presence of my Savior.”

For the next 6 years, I believe God was personally challenging me to begin to step out in faith and trust Him more. You might not realize this but I have suffered from a lot of anxiety and depression and most of it has stemmed from previous ministries experiences I have had, either as a Pastor’s wife, or Preachers daughter.  In many of those experiences I was made to feel less than capable, less that good enough, So coming to Greensburg and stepping into being a Pastor’s wife one more time was quite the step of faith for me. 

When you live in the proverbial fish bowl called the parsonage, you never really feel like your life is our own and being in a small town, where I felt like every time I walked outside my door people were looking out their window watching my every move did not help. (and trust me I know it happened when one of my neighbors told me they saw me walked out to my car in my PJ’s to get something one day) 

Nor did it help that when I walked into public places and people stared me down, looking me up and down as if to say “Who are you and what are you doing here?” As if I was not worthy to be in there town because they didn’t know who I was or where I was from. 

All that simply pushed me into an even more secluded lifestyle than I had previous had in the City, living in Kansas City it never bother me to go out and about, because people in the city could care less if you walk outside in your yard on your PJ’s. But in Greensburg every eye was on me when I went outside and I felt it.  

Looking back, I took the first step onto the water of faith by starting to write a religious column for the paper.  It was easy, I could express my faith, click send on my computer and WA-LAA! A few days later it magically appeared in the paper. I did that for about 2 yrs when one day magically an email came back to me from someone I had never met before, at the same address I had been sending those columns to, the email asked “ Would you be interested in a job?”  

Days later, I will never forget as I got off the phone with the editor telling her I had made my decision to write for the Kiowa County Signal. I pointed my finger to the heaven’s and told God “I know what your trying to do here and I don’t like it!” 

See what He was doing was “ Letting me walk upon the waters, Where He had called me, Taking me deeper than my feet could ever wander,  And I knew that my faith would be made stronger, In the presence of my Savior.” 

If you had ever asked me if I would be writing for a paper. I would have laughed in your face. But God asked me to step onto waters where I had never been before,  I had no education, no degree to do it, I was totally unprepared, except for God, who gave me the gift of gab and the ability to put that on paper.I knew God would go with me. 

These last few years writing articles about this community for the paper has done more for me personally and spiritually than anyone could ever know. It has stretched my faith, it has helped me to build relationships and get to know this community that I have now fallen in love with.

Before writing for the paper, I got out of my house maybe 2 days a week, I literally planned all my errands around Sunday and Wednesday so I didn’t have to leave the house and see anyone, just to assure, I wouldn’t get to many of  those weird looks when I walked into places. I wouldn’t feel that feeling that I wasn’t good enough to be here because people didn’t know who I was. 

You see those first few interactions I had with the community had so fed into the anxiety and issues I had dealt with in past ministry experiences all my life, that I allowed it to isolate me and that is exactly what satan wanted me to do! 

I was afraid to step out of my comfort zone, which was the four walls of my house, but that email that ultimately led to a phone call, that opened the door for me to write for the paper, was just a confirmation of what God had been telling me and that was “Get out in the community!” That email led me to meeting so many people and gave me an open door where even being a pastor’s wife in town could not. 

We read in Exodus when God called Moses to free the Israelite and Moses asks God “Who am I to do that?” then God responds “I will go with you” confirming what was written in Philippians 4:13 “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” 

I don’t know what fear is holding you back from doing but I will tell you, that God has a plan for you and no matter what He asks you to do. He will go with you. Don’t allow fear to hold you back because you have never done what God has asked you to do before.

That song is about Peter who standing in a boat on the sea,he asked Jesus to allow him to walk on the water to him. Peter chooses to take a step of faith and walk on the water to Jesus, 

Peter’s step of faith was bigger than the step he took on the water, before he fell in. See Christ was with Him and He picked him up and Christ ultimately let Peter, to go on to share the good news of Jesus to the gentiles,  something I am sure he never thought he would do as a Jew. 

In this life, we only have two choices to live for ourselves or live for Christ. The question is who are you following?

Will you honestly ask “Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders, Let me walk upon the waters, Wherever You would call me, Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander And my faith be made stronger, In the presence of my Savior.” and be willing to follow?

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